Man Saves Environment by Not Getting Charger with New iPhone

ORO VALLEY, AZ — In a bold act of eco-heroism, local man Dylan Harper proudly unboxed his new iPhone 17 Pro Max UltraLite (now made with 14% less guilt) — only to discover that it came without a charger, a wall adapter, or, oddly enough, a sense of completeness.

Apple, a company known for courageously removing features, announced back in 2020 that ditching chargers would “help the planet.” While skeptics pointed to rising e-waste from third-party accessories and shipping chargers separately, Dylan wasn’t having any of that negativity.

“I’m not just saving the environment,” Dylan explained, clutching his phone and an old Lightning cable that frayed in 2019. “I’m part of a movement.”

Sources confirm Dylan has since purchased a new USB-C adapter, a MagSafe puck, and a fast-charging block from a third-party vendor located somewhere between Shenzhen and one of Bernie's private jet hangars. All arrived in three separate packages, each wrapped in enough plastic to shrink-wrap a Smart Car.

“The charger didn’t come in the box,” he said, “but I’m proud to say I got it from a different warehouse entirely. That’s distributed sustainability, friends.”

Apple has announced plans to eliminate the phone itself in 2026, encouraging customers to “imagine the experience” and simply hold a reflective tile that whispers affirmations and climate pledges when exposed to direct sunlight.

Meanwhile, Dylan continues to carry his uncharged iPhone around town as a quiet badge of moral superiority. When asked how he feels about the experience, he replied, “Battery’s at 4%, but my conscience is at 100.”